Change Every Relationship with Your Eyes

Posted on 23-02-2016 , by: Dr. Tim. Hogan , in , 2 Comments

Relationships today have cooled off. We’ve gone from looking into each other’s eyes to looking into our screens. As the quality and depth of our human connections decline so too does our overall emotional health. The world needs a human revolution of love. The world needs post-modern lovers. You interested? Here’s one game-changer.

Master the art of healthy and loving eye contact.

Eyes are windows into the soul. Babies need sustained eye contact to emotionally develop. Positive eye contact will soothe your kids and help them to really know that you love them. When you activate eye contact people will take you more seriously. Initiating eye contact will give you healthy influence and power in your relationships. And sustained eye contact with your lover will activate a wonderful sense of whole-body arousal.

How do we use eye contact effectively? Relax your face, then smile and make eye contact for about 3-5 seconds. Hold your gaze for much longer and it can have the reverse affect; like, it’s just plain awkward and feels like you are staring. (OK so maybe you are.)

This works because our brains are physically wired to connect through eye contact. If you are genuine and care about someone, your eyes will tell the story, even if you can’t find the right words. If you are lying or dangerous your eyes might also give you away. This is why we say “I can see right through you.”

Improved eye contact will not only help you to deepen relationships, it will also help you to make difficult conversations more calm and productive. So next time you need to have a tough conversation with someone, start with a few seconds of positive eye contact. When having a disagreement with someone you love, sit across from them and make eye contact while assuring them that you love them and want to work this out. By staying with each other’s eyes with as much love as you can muster, you both are more likely to stay calm.

So, you ready to up your game as a parent, friend or lover? Start by activating your eyes. You will instantly notice more connection, less stress and more effectiveness during difficult conversations.

Have a great week!

2 Comments found

  1. You are spot on Tim! When my relationship with my husband was just beginning, eye contact set my heart a flutter. When times got tough, lack of eye contact became a defensive strategy. I’m glad to know there is some science behind it and now it is my challenge to use my eyes for good!

    • Thanks, Amy. And, yes, what a wonderful observation. Just as our eyes can send love and invite connection they can also become weapons when we are in pain. Thanks for commenting.

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