Resurrecting love can be a challenge these days and attachment researchers know why. Lightning-fast changes are increasing our knowledge and giving us instant electronic access to the people we love. But there is a problem.

Today’s culture (called “post-modern” by sociologists) is wreaking havoc on our emotional nervous system. Research tells us that we are getting worse at empathy and depression rates are skyrocketing. Experts call the increase in anti-depressant use “astounding”.

What’s going on?

There are several challenges. For starters, our nervous systems are wired for relationship. Real relationships. The kind where we sit down with each other, look into each other’s eyes and touch each other’s skin. When we do this with each other this real human contact calms our heart, reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and builds our immune system. We sleep better at night, enjoy sex a lot more and are able to concentrate at work.

The problem with post-modern culture is that while we’ve gotten better at connecting more frequently, we’ve gotten worse at connecting in real, in-person and human ways.

Here’s the point: We are wired to be in real, in-person relationships with each other. And while texting with lots of emogis is fun, it doesn’t do much to help our nervous system.

So what can we do?

Over the next several weeks I will be offering creative and concrete ways to increase human connection and overcome the challenges created by “post-modern love”. These are tips that I have personally learned from relationship experts like Stan Tatkin and Harville Hendrix, as well as my clients, who are successfully overcoming these challenges every day in my office.   

So let’s get started this week. Over the next week start noticing two things:

First, how much time do you spend interacting, in person, with those that you love the most?

Second, when you are with people, how much time do you spend looking at their face and making physical contact?

Post-modernity is tough, and post-modern love has replaced real, human and physical interaction with Facebook, texting and emogis. But, to paraphrase David Bowie, we don’t have to fall for post-modern love. We can recreate the kinds of human bonds that resurrect love and make us healthy.

Have a great week.