People in families and small communities have never felt more lonely and distant from each other. That’s because powerful cultural forces have washed away ancient and powerful activities that have always kept us connected.   

Like family meals. For centuries families sat down for regular family meals and directly engaged one another in conversation. Now that families are busier than ever, most families have few, if any, regular meals together.

The loss of family meals is epic, not just for families, but for the social health of communities. Regular family meals allowed families to deepen emotional connections with each other while learning important social skills, such as how to talk about their day, listen well, and take turns. (And, no, none of these skills get developed on Facebook or through texting!)

But the tide is now changing. As I coach families to reconnect I am discovering that families are creating innovative ways to re-establish family meals. Here are the two biggest lessons they are teaching me. 

First, plan ahead and schedule it. Some families set a regular schedule that never changes, such as “we always eat dinner as a family on Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays from 6-6:45 PM. So plan around it!”. Busier families revise the family meal schedule every week. These families take 10 minutes every Sunday to identify days when family members are available. They schedule the days, start and stop times, even a yummy menu for each meal.

Second, be flexible and resilient. It doesn’t have to be dinner and it doesn’t have to be at home. A friend of mine recently started waking up 30 minutes early 3 days per week to make a special breakfast (usually pancakes) for his family. While a bit more prompting is needed to energize conversations, it is working. Another family began meeting at their favorite restaurant every Sunday after church. Now, even their young adult children who do not live at home continue to gather for this valued ritual.

Yes, cultural pressures have washed away the ritual of regular family meals. However, with a little planning and a lot of resilience you can recreate this practice that not only deepens connections within families but also transforms social skills for everyone.